Sign of the Apocalypse: Usher and Will I Am Ripped Off Homer Simpson

Hip Hop superpowers Usher and Will I Am teamed up earlier this year and made "OMG" a super-catchy dance track that one of the biggest releases of 2010. Months after the song's peak, a curious video has hit the internet comparing lyrics of the track to Homer Simpson. Yeah, that's right, a goofy Christmas song from The Simpsons has a stunningly similar melody to lyrics penned by two of the biggest names in pop music today. Listen for yourself:

Kim K Moving All In On A Music Career?

Earlier this year a leaked song called "Shake" was allegedly Kim Kardashian's musical debut. Well now, she's making an uber-secret music video for her official coming out party, and she's using all her connections:

Sources connected to the video tell us ... Hype -- the most famous music video director on the planet -- spent hours with Kim and Kanye during a secret closed set shoot.  As we previously reported, Kim is working on an entire studio album with super-producer The Dream -- but it's unclear when the world will finally get a chance to hear KK's voice.  

SNL Classic: Token 12 Days of Christmas

Aw yes, it's time for my most favorite SNL skit of Christmas:

The Christmas Card: Token 12 Days of Christmas

Back when we launched The Spinoff, I tried to post a hillarious clip from Seinfeld (perhaps the funniest show ever on TV), but NBC is full of nit-wits and imbeciles so I couldn't find many that I could embed from YouTube. Well, we're now at the holidays and there are plenty of Seinfeld clips that could and should be posted. And thankfully, TBS came to the rescue, albeit we've had to split this clip up.

So here's perhaps one of the funniest Seinfeld scenes of all time, on the funniest show of all time, during one of the funniest Christmas episodes of all time (next to Festivus... check back tomorrow for that!).

Love Songs: Token 12 Days of Christmas

So I slacked off yesterday and didn't post a special Token 12 Days of Christmas post. So here's a little list of my favorite Christmas love songs. Because lets face it, most songs are love songs.

Last Christmas, Wham!
A great little love song by a boy-duo from the UK, featuring George Michael and his great melodies. One of my favorite Christmas songs.



Baby It's Cold Outside
Not exactly a Christmas song, per say, but it is a great winter classic. Everyone has done a version of this song, but one of my favorites is from the new-classic, Elf, where the beautiful Zooey Deschannel sings it in the shower.



All I Want For Christmas is You, Mariah Carey
Perhaps one of the best Christmas songs of all time (in my opinion), Mariah Carey's timeless love song keeps us warm at night just thinking of her signing for us.

Mayhem comes: Token 12 Days of Christmas

I've become a big fan of good Christmas commercials, and I have a favorite for this year. It's the Allstate Mayhem Guy giving us his take on the 12 Days of Christmas. Great stuff.

Greatest Song Ever?

Yep, the Lonely Island is back, and they have a music vid for their single "I Just Had Sex" featuring Jessica Alba and Akon. With the hottest girl in the world, and one of the best R&B singers out, you're bound to have an internet phenomenon...

Friday night movie suggestion: Token 12 Days of Christmas

We'll, we're about a week away from Christmas, so how about we tune into some holiday cinema? Here are some of my favorites:

Elf
Probably one of the best Holiday movies in a long time, Elf still makes me laugh with Will Farrell in one of my favorite roles-a human raised by elves in the North Pole.



Die Hard
This is a Christmas movie, no matter what you think. And because of that, I love it. A perfect holiday action movie, with Bruce Willis spreading holiday cheer!



It's A Wonderful Life
A true holiday classic, that is perhaps more poignant in these economic times. There's nothing better then hearing James Stewart's signature bravado tell us where the money really is, then thinking of jumping off a bridge because he regrets his life. A true story of resilience and not giving in when you think it's over. A holiday treat.

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It's back again?!

Just when we think that something is gone for good, it comes back from the grave. So is the case with the Fast & the Furious series.

That's right, Paul Walker and Vin Diesel are back in another movie with fast cars (and maybe some more action) but definitely more bad acting: Fast Five. Hopefully there will be more of Jordana Brewster in this one, however. Because I definitely did not get enough of her in Fast & Furious.

Somehow, though, they've added The Rock to this installment, and somehow this is also suppose to be a prequel to Tokyo Drift, like how Fast & Furious was. I don't really care, though, because I don't understand the plots of any of these movies.

But, when push comes to shove, I'll probably end up seeing it. If for nothing else, then for Jordana Brewster.

Holiday Spoofs: Token 12 Days of Christmas

Token Sports just posted The Twelve Pains of Christmas, one of my favorite Christmas spoof songs of all time. BUT I've just been told about another one that may rival it.

Fay McKay, or The Drunken Lady, was a Las Vegas performer during the Golden Age of Vegas, and was known for doing The Twelve Daze of Christmas during this time of year. So feast your eyes on her performance from a few years ago.

Can you spot the differences? Token 12 Days of Christmas

Here's a nice little piece by the Great Bing Crosby and the Great David Bowie. After it, however, is an almost exact replica by Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly.

Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy with Will Ferrell & John C. Reilly from Will Ferrell

First spotted on AOL's PopEater.

iBand plays our favorites: Token 12 Days of Christmas

Well, now we really are 12 days away from Christmas, unlike my post early yesterday, when we were 13 days away. But this means we can start celebrating! And what better way then to combine some nerdiness with some holiday cheer.

So here is the North Point iBand, playing some holiday favorites with nothing but iPads. Pretty cool if you ask me.

Future Hit Record: Far East Movement ft. One Republic "Rocketeer"

I know what you're all thinking. "If I have to hear 'Like A G6' on the radio one more time, I'm gonna rip the stereo out of my car!" Well, thankfully the high energy trio known as the Far East Movement have come back with a great follow up single to their overplayed #1 hit. I got to see them perform last week at a downtown concert in a club, and was most impressed with them closing a ridiculous show with this song. They recruited singer Ryan Tedder of One Republic for the hook on this mellowed out track, which is a great switch-up to their usual "let's party get and f***ed up" theme. Check it out:

Our Pop Stars Are All Grown Up

Here's some interesting videos that have caught fire on the internet from none other than Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber, the Princess and Prince of bubble gum pop music. First up, Justin's teaching Barbara Walters how to do the dougie. This is 37 uncomfortable seconds that you will never get back:

Next up, Disney's pride and joy Miley was recorded by a friend tripping balls off of salvia at her 18th birthday. For the record, Salvia is legal in California, but that doesn't change the fact that this is hilarious:

Token Weird News of the Day: Big Sausage cooked up Italy

Chefs in Italy went ahead and made a massive sausage that weighed over a ton, as part of the region's 22nd Annual Festival of Pork (sign me up for this!). Freakin' awesome.

Happy Chanukkah!

I may not have done nearly enough for Chanukkah, the Jewish Festival of Lights that celebrates the eight days of light given off by the oil that was only suppose to last one night. But here's a little something that is a good Jewish joke, a good smart joke, and a good Christmas joke.

Future Hit Record(s): T.I. feat. Drake "Poppin Bottles"

This post is solely intended for hip hop heads. This track literally hit the internet about 30 minutes ago, so you will be the first to hear it in your circle of friends hands down. If you like loud stadium or club music that gives you straight energy at night, this is it. Everything is in disarray for Atlanta rapper T.I...fresh out of jail for weapons possession, he gets arrested for drugs and is likely going back to the slammer. Still, one thing that hasn't changed is his ability to make timeless music. For this most recent leak off of his album "No Mercy," he recruits the prince of hip-hop, Drake.


...it's a huge day for T.I. Ryan Seacrest also just got his hands on the King's new single featuring Christina Aguilera, entitled "Castle Walls." Check it out here.

Does Everyone Know Tyler Ward?

After browsing youtube for random music, I recently discovered Tyler Ward, a musician from Colorado. He does covers of popular top 40 songs and throws them on his youtube. Sounds pretty normal, but what isn't normal are his video views. The dude has like 1 million+ views for all of his videos, but no one I know has ever heard of him. I guess you can be a giant internet celebrity without being famous in the mainstream these days. Anyways, he's got talent. Here's his acoustic cover of the Taio Cruz single "Dynamite."

"Cowboys & Aliens;" Is this a joke?

The name of the movie is "Cowboys & Aliens." The movie's plot, as provided by Universal Studios, reads as follows on IMdB.com:

The Old West.. where a lone cowboy leads an uprising against a terror from beyond our world. 1873. Arizona Territory. A stranger with no memory of his past stumbles into the hard desert town of Absolution. The only hint to his history is a mysterious shackle that encircles one wrist. What he discovers is that the people of Absolution don't welcome strangers, and nobody makes a move on its streets unless ordered to do so by the iron-fisted Colonel Dolarhyde. It's a town that lives in fear. But Absolution is about to experience fear it can scarcely comprehend as the desolate city is attacked by marauders from the sky. Screaming down with breathtaking velocity and blinding lights to abduct the helpless one by one, these monsters challenge everything the residents have ever known. Now, the stranger they rejected is their only hope for salvation. As this gunslinger slowly starts to remember who he is and where he's been...

But here's the kicker. The movie stars Harrison Ford and Daniel Craig. It's being directed by Jon Favreu of Iron Man fame, and the producers include Brian Grazer (24, A Beautiful Mind, American Gangster, Apollo 13), Ron Howard (A Beautiful Mind, Frost/Nixon, The DaVinci Code), and Steven Speilberg (I think we know what he's done, don't we?).

My question is: WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE PEOPLE THINKING?!

If I was a produced being pitched this idea, I think I would have said, "Ok, sounds like a great straight-to-DVD release idea. Oh, you want Harrison Ford and Daniel Craig to star in it?! Gosh darnit then let's make this into a big-budget action fest! This ain't no B movie anymore!"

I'm at a loss. Take a look at the trailer and tell me what you think everyone was thinking when they signed on for this flick.

Another reason not to watch soap operas

So even though I was left with nothing to do but watch TV and "read" for three months this summer, I didn't watch any soap operas. And what did I miss? Nothing except for the most painful product placements ever on television. Take a look my "favorites".

Don't forget your Cheerios:



Here's a placement for Midol, perhaps the worst one:




Let's give credit to AOL's urlesque where I found these and more.

Automatic Post

The youtube lip-synching sensation Keenan Cahill gets the help of rapper 50 Cent for a hilarious viral video. They're jamming out to Jermeih and 50 Cent's "Down on Me" and this is pure blogging gold right here. 50 Cent has to be the smartest self-promoter in the music industry...what other artist would do something so stupid and turn it into something this great?

Team Coco Rejoice! Conan returns!

Conan is finally back, after premiering on TBS last night at 11PM! The triumphant return of one of the most beloved orange-haired late night talk show hosts was not without some great laughs including the open shown in the video above. Conan was obviously excited since he was pacing far more than usual, but his energy was also great fun to watch as he rolled through his monologue with flying colors, including the best joke which came early:

"I'm going to be honest though, it's not easy doing a late night show on a channel without a lot of money that viewers have trouble finding. So that's why I left NBC."

Check out the full monologue below, and don't miss Conan on TBS! (This is not an advertisement for Conan. But, if they want to pay me for this, I'd more than welcome the money).

Can I Sign This Kid To My Non-Existent Record Label?

During a random youtube browse, I stumbled on 7-year-old rapper MattyB. The kid has remixes to all sorts of top 40 and hip hop songs, with music videos that are absolutely hilarious. I don't know whether to think this is hilarious, awesome, or really stupid, but I like it anyways! The only question is: is this kid signed? Does he legit management? I can give him some guidance right now that will have the Token Sports empire laughing all the way to the bank for the next 20 years. Anyways, here's his best 2 videos (in my opinion):

Chuck Norris videos

Do we need to say more? Ok, yes, let's set it up. These are ads for T-Mobile being shown in the Czech Republic. I don't understand a thing they are saying, but Chuck Norris, without saying a word, steals the ads.







(First spotted at AOL's PopEater).

Token Music Picks: Enrique Iglesias ft. Ludacris - Tonight (NSFW)

Feeding off of the same vibe of his last single, Enrique prepares to continue his radio dominance with a second single that is even more high-energy than "I Like It." I'll just be honest with you...this track is absolutely bananas upon the first few listens. He jumps on another lightning fast techno beat and recruits Ludacris for the 3rd verse. This will surely be a fixture at nightclubs, parties and everything in between for the next 6 months. Mark my words:

Kim Kardashian Doing...An Album?

As much I love everything about the hottest Kardashian sister, I'm not in love with the idea of her taking a crack at music.

...Kim's recently been in the studio with top notch writer/producer/performer The-Dream, whose hits include Rihanna's "Umbrella" and Beyonce's "Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)."So how's it gonna sound? One person who's been inside a recording session tells us, "Kim's got a really good voice."This could go either way. She either turns into the modern day Britney Spears and puts cheesy pop songs that I'll love, or she flops big time. Feast or famine. Fortunately, she still has her hotness to fall back on.

I can't go Trick-Or-Treating this weekend?!

That's right. Kids in Belleville, Illinois won't be able to go trick-or-treating this weekend if they are over the age of 12. While I understand the purpose of having an age-cut off, why 12? Most kids will stop wanting to go by the time they reach high school, and most middle schoolers still do want to go (I think I stopped in 6th grade). I say make the cut-off high school.

What do you think? Is it fair to stop kids from trick-or-treating at the age of 12? Should there be a cut-off at all? Share your comments.

Air Jordan (WitziGreuter) is The Ready Set

After hearing The Ready Set's single "Love Like Woe" on the radio this morning, I had to do some research on this group. It turns out The Ready Set is just one kid, Jordan Witzigreuter. He's a kid with dreams...who is also very bad at sports (at least he doesn't hide it). Here's a funny video he made as a parody to Nike basketball commercials, and the vid for "Love Like Woe" is below. Put this emo-looking kid from Indiana on your map, because he's got a musical style that is unclassifiable in all the best ways.

This Week's Mortal Lock Future Hit Record

I have come to realize that my obsession with music have given me the amazing superpower of being able to predict a hit record. Ask anyone who knows me: I'm the tastemaker for what will be hot in music. Here's the debut of this new feature, Chris Brown "Yeah 3x." Chris Brown is back from the whole "I'm sorry for beating Rihanna senseless and not going to jail" fiasco, and he has a surefire top 10 record on his hands. The music video was just released today. In fact, I'm so sure that this will hit the top 10 on the charts that I will say this: If it does not, I will take a picture of myself with a Yankees shirt on post it to the site. Being a lifelong Red Sox fan tells you how serious I am about this song being a big one. Here's the vid:

Owned! Ouch...

Never did I think that a woman would get owned by her ex-boyfriend on CSPAN, but sure enough, I'm proven wrong again by this crazy world. Skip to about the 2:00 mark for when it gets good.

Take That Justin Bieber!!! part 2

Here's 9-year-old Willow Smith's (daughter of Will and Jada Pinkett) music video debut for her single "Whip My Hair." The song is definitely growing on me...

Whats happening to the world: O'Reilly, The View, and "The Mosque"

This is a complicated post. And I hope people read this and respond with politeness and courtesy to every one's opinion and every one's feelings.

With that out of the way, let's get started.

Yesterday, Bill O'Reilly of Fox News was on "The View," and in his effort to explain his opinion as to why President Obama was struggling in his approval rating, a fiery argument brook loose in which Whoopi Goldberg & Joy Behar stormed off the set when O'Reilly let loose that "Muslims killed us on 9/11."

Watch his response and commentary to the events during his own show.



There are many things that are wrong about what O'Reilly said during "The View." First, while he is fundamentally right about Muslims attacking the United States and killing Americans on 9/11, he is inappropriately labeling the entire Muslim religious community as haters of America and terrorists. The majority of Muslims, and the Islamic religion as a whole, is a extremely peaceful religion. It is the extremely small sect of that religion that is violent and hateful, and has given the religion a horrible name.

During his commentary on "The O'Reilly Factor," O'Reilly asks us if "Japanese extremists" attacked us. And the answer is no. Japan attacked us. Japan was an entire nation, and its government choose to enter into war with America by bombing Pearl Harbor. The islamic extremists (and I refuse to capitalize their title, even though it may be "grammatically correct" because they refuse to acknowledge other societies and cultures so I refuse to honor them) that attacked us on 9/11 are in no way connected to the remaining Islamic community. They do not do the bidding of a central Islamic government. Comparing World War Two and 9/11 is inappropriate and a pathetic attempt by O'Reilly to overstimulate a discussion that has already spiraled out of control.

Onto the point about the Muslim Community Center and Mosque being built near the former Twin Towers: I am for its completion as quickly as possible. I agree with the President, and most likely the vast majority of Americans that its construction is legal and they have the right to do it. I disagree with the "70%" or Americans, according to O'Reilly's CNN Poll that believe it is not right to build the mosque. Whoopi Goldberg stated on "The View" that there were many Muslim families that lost a family member on 9/11. To add to this, I am positive that there was at least one Christian one died on 9/11 who had at least one Muslim friend. The reason I believe that many people dislike the idea of building a Muslim Community Center and Mosque near "Ground Zero" is that they are uneducated about the Muslim religion.

There is nothing wrong with that. There is something wrong, however, with refusing to learn about the Muslim religion. There is never an excuse to be mean to someone.

Let's be hypothetical for a moment. Let's say that Christian Americans blow themselves up in the middle of a crowded business building in the middle of a large city in a primary Muslim country. Several years later, Christians want to build a community center and church two blocks from the site of the attack. Should they be allowed to build it? Would you, as a Christian, want it built? Would you, as a Christian, be upset if the mainly Islamic community was outraged that you wanted to build a Christian church so near their holy site?

Think about this, then rethink your own opinion about the Muslim Community Center and Mosque being built near the former Twin Towers.

And also consider the fact that the Mosque portion of the building is already in use, and has been for some time.

First-Class: The Social Network

I believe that Aaron Sorkin is a screenplay god. In case you don't know what he's done, let me refresh your memory: A Few Good Men, The American President, Sports Night, The West Wing, and Charlie Wilson's War.

And now, he's given us The Social Network, a fictionalized tale of the start of Facebook.

Or is it?

SPOILER ALERT!

It's not.

The Social Network is about popularity and belonging and attention and friendship. It's a subtle yet powerful look at how technology has made my generation, those of us that have come of age during the internet age, during the Facebook age, live our lives: through the internet. Through social networking websites. The Social Network is about Mark Zuckerberg, played brilliantly by Jesse Eisenberg, the "creator" of Facebook, and his quest to join the elite Harvard Final Clubs. He is obsessed with exclusivity. He wants to be popular.

But he's a geek, nerd, dweed, whatever you want to call him. He's also brilliant. His ability to write code is shown in the movie as pure mind-blowing power--he hacks into several websites and eventually crashes the Harvard servers by creating a website that compares Harvard girls, all while drunk after breaking up with his girlfriend. It is in these early scene that we learn who Zuckerberg is: lonely, outcast, misunderstood, and needy. In a hearing with the Harvard Advisory Board, Zuckerberg asks for "some recognition." That's all he really wants throughout the movie.

Sorkin's script is music to the ears. His quick banter between characters is mesmerizing. And while he sets aside his usual "walk-and-talk" dialogue that became famous in The West Wing and the short-lived Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, Sorkin's script oozes something special.

The fictionalized tale of Facebook is also engrossing and at times painful to watch. The backstabbing and friendship and loss of friendship adds flaws to every character. Zuckerberg is made out to be a king, and all his men are only there to tell him what he wants to hear. At first, it's Eduardo Saverin (Andrew Garfield), Zuckerberg's best friend, who goes from the it man to the wrong man. The story of Facebook is as much the story of the end of the friendship of Zuckerberg and Saverin. And while part of this may be due to Sean Parker, the Napster founder played appropriately by Justin Timerblake, in the end its Zuckerberg and his quest to join an exclusive club, that tears apart his own world.

And the end of this amazing film, Zuckerberg comes across as an ass-hole, a nerd, a social dweeb, and a nice guy. It's up to the movie-goer to decide.

But really, this is an Aaron Sorkin tour-de-force. Or maybe I'm just in love with Aaron Sorkin.

FINAL GRADE: A

Rapper Talks Man Out of Committing Suicide

Atlanta rapper T.I., known his role in the movie "A.T.L." and a whole bucket of hit records with the likes of Jay-Z, Kanye West, Justin Timberlake, and Jamie Foxx, helped saved the life of man about to jump from a building yesterday.

The 30-year-old hip-hop star (real name: Clifford Harris) heard about the situation on the radio and drove to the building, home of Atlanta radio station V-103...The man seemed to be "beat up by life," the rapper later told the Associated Press. "I told him it ain't that bad. It'll get better, to put the time and effort into making it better," he said. "I just reminded him ... it looks bad right now, but it can turn around."

Here's some video from the scene along with audio of a V103 interview he did later in the day:

Whats happening to the world: Pop music

We all remember ten or so years ago when Brittney Spears burst onto the scene with "...Baby One More Time."

At the time, the racy music video was raunchy and sexy and dangerous. The 17 year old was criticized for leaving behind her Mickey Mouse Club wholesome days to become the sex icon of the early 2000's.

Well, Miley Cyrus is following in much of the same footsteps, but her new video makes Brittney seem like great family entertainment.

What is it about these Disney girls that make them want to strip off as much clothing as possible as soon as they turn 17? I find it interesting that they are willing to strip themselves of their childhood fans, and quickly turn themselves into sex objects for the weirdo-s of the world. Then, of course, they wonder why people are critical of their choices.

No wonder girls have no good role models to look up to.

The Real Eminem Behind the Mic

Anderson Cooper of 60 Minutes premiered a great feature on Marshall Mathers last night, better known as Eminem. They take a trip back to the 8 Mile projects near Detroit where the star was born, talk about his recent painkiller addiction and recovery, and his music making process. Em even lays down a clever rhyme around the word "orange." Whether you're a fan of his music or not, you have appreciate what this artist has made for himself.

Ken Jeong? Is That You?

The Hangover funny man Ken Jeong appears in a new Adidas basketball ad featuring NBA stars Dwight Howard and Derrick Rose. Here's the music video/commercial entitled "Fast Don't Lie." This is classic material:

Kanye Gets an A for Creativity

Mr. West definitely brings a new portrait to the music scene every time he performs. Here are his performances of "Power" (featured in The Social Network movie) and "Runaway" on last night's SNL. Love him or hate him, Kanye always puts the art in his music.

Could Twitter Popularity Lead to Preferential Treatment?

It's a distinct possibility in the near future of our backwards society. In fact, the Palms Casino in Las Vegas is already planning a super-exclusive club around it. The key to get into the V.I.P. restaurant: how many twitter followers you have:

Palms' chief marketing officer, Jason Gastwirth, is currently building out "The Klout Klub," which "will allow high-ranking influencers to experience Palms' impressive set of amenities in hopes that these influencers will want to communicate their positive experience to their followers." The Palms is already pulling in data from Klout and referring to it as part of their reservations process...Founded by Joe Fernandez and Binh Tran, in 2008, Klout initially served as one of the many ego-boosting sites designed to tell Twitter users how popular they are, but the service promptly evolved. In it's current form, Klout is a sophisticated ranking system that analyzes one's activity on social networks and assigns a score to that individual based on his/her ability to influence others...

If this is the future, then here at Token Sports we really need to get our act together. 23 followers isn't gonna cut it. Follow us so we can at least get into McDonalds.

Betty White on "Actors Studio"

Betty White is the perfect role model for those people who feel like their lives have passed them by. Her happy-go-lucky attitude, and care-free spirit is inspirational, to say the least. And her popularity is sky-high. Here she is from "Inside The Actors Studio", a show that a sold out and now promotes young actors and actresses and their new projects, instead of celebrating veteran stars and their storied careers. Here, at least, they can celebrate with someone special.

"Amazing Race" Delivers Classic Viral Moment

During last night's season 17 premiere of the race around the world, this girl gets absolutely flattened with a reverse catapulted watermelon to the face. Take a look at the video in real time, and of course in suuupppeerrr slow motion:

Immediately after the impact, she proclaims "I Can't Feel My Face." Naturally, I connected the dots, and recalled NBA guard Deshawn Stevenson and his "I Can't Feel My Face" trademark after his made baskets. Leave it to Token Sports to tie together two seemingly unrelated things:

Classic Civilization gets a new edition

More Sid Meiers Civilization V Videos

I've always been a fan of the Civilization series. I haven't played Civ4, which came out five year ago, but now that Civ5 has been released just this week, I'm excited. It looks like a beautiful game that has been re-imagined to be even more addictive than the original versions, which have occupied many hours of my days and nights.

Looks like a holiday gift to me.

Say it Ain't So Bruno!

(nice mugshot smile)

I have to say I'm a little disappointed in one of my new favorite musicians, who was caught with a heavy drug in Vegas. Usually, "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas." That is, unless you're a celebrity.

While it was initially reported that the singer-songwriter-producer behind hits like “Nothin’ on You” and “Billionaire” had been busted with an unknown narcotic, a report issued this afternoon by the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department identifies the suspected substance.

Police say they were summoned to Las Vegas’ Hard Rock Casino at 1:50 A.M. on Sept. 19 “to investigate the report of a Latin male adult being detained by hotel security.” Mars, born Peter Hernandez, had performed at the venue hours earlier. Police say they found Mars with 2.6 grams of “‘white powdery substance’ believed to be cocaine.” He was booked and released at 7:45 A.M. the same day and has not yet been charged.

Bad timing for the newest hit-maker of 2010. His album is awaiting a fall release, and his single "Just the Way You Are" is starting to do major damage on the Billboard charts. Hopefully he doesn't follow the path of Lindsay and Paris, fellow failed musicians turned coke heads.

Phoenix fooled us all

We all remember that infamous Joaquin Phoenix on David Letterman last year. It was so horribly painful to see the Oscar-nominated actor throw himself down a path of self-destruction and despair, and attempt to become a horrible rap star.

But PHYSC! Phoenix was playing an act, all for his new mock-umentary directed by Casey Affleck who finally let it on that the whole thing was faked for the movie, "I'm Still Here" (but Letterman wasn't in on it).

Ty Burr of the Boston Globe first let me onto the mayhem of the scheme last week when he reviewed the flick for the Globe. But in case we were all wondering, and in a way we all were, Affleck went ahead and told us that it wasn't for real. "I never intended to trick anybody," Affleck said in a E! article. "The idea of a quote, hoax, unquote, never entered my mind."

Kinda amazing. It seems that the Sasha Baron Cohen theme has gone into mainstream well-accomplished actors, after the whole "I'm not who I see to be" scheme started back with the great Andy Kaufman. How this sort of thing works with a man who is such an accomplished actor is beyond me. But I don't think I want to spend the money to see this in theaters. That's what Netflix is for.

Token Highlights: The MTV VMA's

As always, MTV laid it all on the line for their annual awards show highlighting the best in music. Granted, MTV doesn't really play that many music videos anymore, but the VMA's aren't really about the music video awards...if that makes any sense. Now that I've thoroughly confused you, here's the Token Awards for the night. On to the real winners.

The "Yep, You're Insane" Award goes to Lady Gaga. She wore shoes that made her as tall as Shaq. She wore a piece of raw meat on her head as a hat. Has somebody told her that this is Planet Earth we live on?

The Lip Syncing Award goes to Justin Bieber. Sorry for the low blow, but I couldn't hold it back.

The "Really? Still?" Award goes to Taylor Swift. Every Taylor Swift song is about her being dumped by a boy, and learning some cheesy teenage lesson. Really? Still? It also sounded like the song she debuted tonight was directed towards Kanye West. That s*** was a year ago. Really? Still?

The Comeback Award goes to Kanye West. Listen, it's no secret that Kanye is a weird, unique guy, but musically the man always brings it. His show-closing performance was also the world premiere of his new single "Runaway" and it's got all the makings of a classic. The always-inventive made the beat live on the stage and then put his touch on the unforgettable vocals "let's have a toast for the douchebags...let's have a toast for the a55holes"...only Kanye can make that into a catchy track.

The Funny Chick Award goes to Chelsea Handler. I used to hate on her big time, but I've finally come full circle on the comedian/talk show host. The Lady-Gaga entrance...the opening satire with Lindsay Lohan...the hot tub party with the Jersey Shore cast...all hilarious. Not to mention she was looking pretty good tonight.

Overall, MTV did it again. Great performances from B.O.B., Eminem, and Drake (amongst others) and a lot of jokes.

Take That Justin Bieber!!!

How young is too young to be a star in today's music industry? The answer is...there is no answer! Proof of that comes from Willow Smith, the 9-year-old daughter Will and Jada Pinkett Smith. 

The song's been burning up the internet and now Will Smith's daughter Willow has announced Jay-Z's record label Roc Nation as her official musical home this morning with Ryan Seacrest. Willow, who is only nine years old, shocked everyone in the studio with how mature and poised she was. When asked about what it's like entering the limelight, she stated, "it's very very amazing  and it's very overwhelming...all of the red carpet and the flashes, all the people wanting to meet you...it's very, very, very overwhelming for a nine year old."... The nine year-old's first single “Whip My Hair,” produced by newcomer Jukebox, has launched to rave reviews. Willow’s debut video will be shot in Los Angeles at the end of this month.  The catchy tune is a celebration of freedom, energy, expression and liberating yourself by “whipping your hair.”
Not convinced yet? Take a listen to her debut single below. I speak for Mike and myself by saying that we'll take this over "Bieber mania" any day of the week.

So, B.O.B.'s Real Name is Bob.

Kind of depressing to hear, I know. Despite a lack of creativity in creating his stage name, rapper/producer B.O.B is taking off fast with the success of his well-crafted singles "Nothin' on You", "Airplanes", and "Magic." He stopped by Chelsea Lately to talk with the soon-to-be MTV Video Music Awards host about his success, his dreams growing up, and his favorite moment of his young career.

SLAM!

There is something about Poetry Slams that are just awesome. It's a mix of the competition, the first-rate poetry, the top-performances, and the crowd. I was first introduced to poetry slam during my freshman year of college by the roommate I hate, and I've searched for that first slam video I saw, but I can't find it. I haven't been to one, but I want to go, and soon enough, I'm sure I will.

This above Poetry Slam video of Taylor Mali is amazing, and it's performances like that that make me want to get my ass in a seat at a Slam.

CoCo is coming!

Insert shameless free advertising here for our orange-haired hero, Conan O'Brien!

College Humor Does It Again

And this time they do it with history. In fact, they took the entire history of WWII, and dumbed it down to Facebook terms so now everyone can understand it.

It's sad that we've come to this.  And in a way, it does summarize our culture today. We learn nothing unless it's on Facebook, a blog, or in some other sort of over-entertaining but amazingly simplified fashion. While being hilarious (and it is), it speaks volumes. Really makes you wonder what the world is right now, and what its heading towards.

In the mean time, check it out here.

Just Dance! Another Great DWTS Lineup

"Dancing With The Stars" announced their lineup of celebrities for season 11 starting September 20th, and it's pretty well rounded. Allow me to rank the cast, in order of, well, my personal bias:

Chicks:

6.Margaret Cho...expect her to be eliminated early. Sorry

5.Bristol Palin...it's sad that Sarah Palin's knocked up daughter qualifies as a "star."

4.Jennifer Grey...the chick from Dirty Dancing (who's 50 now). The girls will vote for her.

3.Brandy...more of a singer than a dancer, but she should do well rehearsing.

2.Florence Henderson...Mrs. Brady? Wow! Let's see if the old lady can keep up.

1.Audrina Patridge...hot girl from MTV's "The Hills," good enough for the top ranking.

Dudes:

6.Michael Bolton...snooze alert, the 60 year old women will eat this guy up in voting.

5.Kyle Massey...the kid from the Disney Channel, he'll leave early since teens won't call in.

4.Kurt Warner...since he has no finesse or footwork in an NFL pocket, I doubt he's gonna pick up the cha-cha in 3 days.

3.David Hasselhoff...The Hoff is an automatic entertainer, sober or drunk. Fan favorite.

2.Rick Fox...Mr. Rico Suave of former NBA players, the former Laker and Celtic has the talent to win this season.

1.The Situation...are you kidding me? He fist pumps and grinds with chicks every night at the club, and knows how to work a crowd. The best contestant on the show

TS Favorite Emmy Winners

(by the way Fallon was a great host)

Here's some of my favorite winners from last night's award show. Personally, the Emmys and the Grammys are the best events:

Comedy Series: "Modern Family," ABC. This show is hilarious. Been watching since the pilot, and can't get enough of the jokes. Not since "Seinfeld" has a show been so true to what life is like. This ABC comedy has it all, inclduing the love of my life, Sofia Vergara.

Variety, Music or Comedy Series: "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart," Comedy Central. Does Jon Stewart's Daily satire of the news of the world ever get old? Seemingly not.

Actor, Comedy Series: Jim Parsons, "The Big Bang Theory," CBS. Definitely the upset win of the night, but a great one. Jim plays "Sheldon" from the unheralded, underrated CBS sitcom "The Big Bang Theory." His nerdy, convoluted sense of humor makes me laugh, and even makes me feel smarter sometimes...

Guest Actress in a Comedy Series: Betty White, "Saturday Night Live." Betty White rules. Enough said.

Doing Something Good

The title says it all. Sure, hip hop artist Jay "Young Jeezy" Jenkins spends a lot of time talking drugs and violence behind the microphone, but the bottom line is he's a normal guy that understands the world we live in. He took the time to get his priorities straight and hand out school supplies for unprivileged kids the other day. No great big announcement, no mega corporation promotion...just jumping out of the car and making sure the kids go to school with everything they need this fall. You have to respect that.
(NSFW - language only)

The Hangover on a roadtrip

If you put the movie The Hangover, one of the funniest movies to come out since Wedding Crashers, on a road trip, what would it be like?

Probably a lot like Due Date, the new comedy directed by Todd Phillips (The Hangover) and staring Zach Galifianakis (The Hangover) and Robert Downey Jr. And it looks fantastic from the trailer.

Another non-stop laugh fest, for sure!

Is Joaquin Phoenix Serious?

For those of you who don't know, "Walk the Line" star Joaquin Phoenix has basically gone off the radar (in a lot of ways) and he is trying to resurrect his celebrity status...in the form of a rap career. To answer your next question: yes, he does suck, but it seems like that hasn't stopped the powers that be from making a film out of it all. Here's the trailer for "I'm Still Here" about Phoenix's attempt to be a relevant musician. Good luck with that...

On Second Thought: "Cover Affairs" flops hard

Ok, first of all, I'm slow when I watch TV. I've finally watched the third episode of this series, after having thoroughly enjoying the premiere. But now, I've grown cold to USA's "Covert Affairs."

In fact, I'm in no rush to watch the fourth episode. The quick, witty banter and a script that actually made sense is long gone. Instead, we've been greeted with hormones, confusion, and stories that place Piper Perabo's Annie Walker into odd situations (and she uses her real name when dealing with a target. I mean, seriously? Don't CIA operatives know to use a cover name?!).

What probably sold me most on the writing going down hill is the end of the third episode. The Julia Suarez character is almost killed by her corrupt lover's henchman, but after seeing the lover get shot and killed, she can't get herself away from him. It's hard to believe that her immediate feeling after almost being killed, then seeing her lover be killed, is love and affection. Shouldn't she be torn? Shouldn't she feel like she wants to hate him, not love him? It just irked me the wrong way.

I probably will watch one more episode of Cover Affairs. If it keeps going downhill, then I'm going to be very upset.

Maybe I'll just watch the pilot over and over again.