Not exactly safe for work Chinese invention

This one's kinda out there. Nothing like rejuvenating those sagging or small breasts with a little vibrator. The advertisement is practically soft-core porn.

Reminds me of the Shake Weight.



Or even worse, the Shake Weight for Men.

Another reason not to watch soap operas

So even though I was left with nothing to do but watch TV and "read" for three months this summer, I didn't watch any soap operas. And what did I miss? Nothing except for the most painful product placements ever on television. Take a look my "favorites".

Don't forget your Cheerios:



Here's a placement for Midol, perhaps the worst one:




Let's give credit to AOL's urlesque where I found these and more.

Chuck Norris videos

Do we need to say more? Ok, yes, let's set it up. These are ads for T-Mobile being shown in the Czech Republic. I don't understand a thing they are saying, but Chuck Norris, without saying a word, steals the ads.







(First spotted at AOL's PopEater).

Owned! Ouch...

Never did I think that a woman would get owned by her ex-boyfriend on CSPAN, but sure enough, I'm proven wrong again by this crazy world. Skip to about the 2:00 mark for when it gets good.

Just Dance! Another Great DWTS Lineup

"Dancing With The Stars" announced their lineup of celebrities for season 11 starting September 20th, and it's pretty well rounded. Allow me to rank the cast, in order of, well, my personal bias:

Chicks:

6.Margaret Cho...expect her to be eliminated early. Sorry

5.Bristol Palin...it's sad that Sarah Palin's knocked up daughter qualifies as a "star."

4.Jennifer Grey...the chick from Dirty Dancing (who's 50 now). The girls will vote for her.

3.Brandy...more of a singer than a dancer, but she should do well rehearsing.

2.Florence Henderson...Mrs. Brady? Wow! Let's see if the old lady can keep up.

1.Audrina Patridge...hot girl from MTV's "The Hills," good enough for the top ranking.

Dudes:

6.Michael Bolton...snooze alert, the 60 year old women will eat this guy up in voting.

5.Kyle Massey...the kid from the Disney Channel, he'll leave early since teens won't call in.

4.Kurt Warner...since he has no finesse or footwork in an NFL pocket, I doubt he's gonna pick up the cha-cha in 3 days.

3.David Hasselhoff...The Hoff is an automatic entertainer, sober or drunk. Fan favorite.

2.Rick Fox...Mr. Rico Suave of former NBA players, the former Laker and Celtic has the talent to win this season.

1.The Situation...are you kidding me? He fist pumps and grinds with chicks every night at the club, and knows how to work a crowd. The best contestant on the show

TS Favorite Emmy Winners

(by the way Fallon was a great host)

Here's some of my favorite winners from last night's award show. Personally, the Emmys and the Grammys are the best events:

Comedy Series: "Modern Family," ABC. This show is hilarious. Been watching since the pilot, and can't get enough of the jokes. Not since "Seinfeld" has a show been so true to what life is like. This ABC comedy has it all, inclduing the love of my life, Sofia Vergara.

Variety, Music or Comedy Series: "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart," Comedy Central. Does Jon Stewart's Daily satire of the news of the world ever get old? Seemingly not.

Actor, Comedy Series: Jim Parsons, "The Big Bang Theory," CBS. Definitely the upset win of the night, but a great one. Jim plays "Sheldon" from the unheralded, underrated CBS sitcom "The Big Bang Theory." His nerdy, convoluted sense of humor makes me laugh, and even makes me feel smarter sometimes...

Guest Actress in a Comedy Series: Betty White, "Saturday Night Live." Betty White rules. Enough said.

On Second Thought: "Cover Affairs" flops hard

Ok, first of all, I'm slow when I watch TV. I've finally watched the third episode of this series, after having thoroughly enjoying the premiere. But now, I've grown cold to USA's "Covert Affairs."

In fact, I'm in no rush to watch the fourth episode. The quick, witty banter and a script that actually made sense is long gone. Instead, we've been greeted with hormones, confusion, and stories that place Piper Perabo's Annie Walker into odd situations (and she uses her real name when dealing with a target. I mean, seriously? Don't CIA operatives know to use a cover name?!).

What probably sold me most on the writing going down hill is the end of the third episode. The Julia Suarez character is almost killed by her corrupt lover's henchman, but after seeing the lover get shot and killed, she can't get herself away from him. It's hard to believe that her immediate feeling after almost being killed, then seeing her lover be killed, is love and affection. Shouldn't she be torn? Shouldn't she feel like she wants to hate him, not love him? It just irked me the wrong way.

I probably will watch one more episode of Cover Affairs. If it keeps going downhill, then I'm going to be very upset.

Maybe I'll just watch the pilot over and over again.

Show Me The Money: How Much TV Stars are Worth

Drama actors:

Hugh Laurie (House) $400,000+
Christopher Meloni & Mariska Hargitay (Law & Order: SVU) $395,000 (each)
David Caruso (CSI: Miami) $375,000
Marg Helgenberger (CSI) $375,000
Laurence Fishburne (CSI) $350,000
Jeffrey Donovan (Burn Notice) $200,000
Nathan Fillion (Castle) $100,000
Jon Hamm (Mad Men) $100,000
Alex O'Loughlin (Hawaii Five-0) $100,000

Talk show hosts:
Oprah Winfrey $315 million
Judge Judy Sheindlin $45 million
David Letterman (The Late Show) $28 million
Jay Leno (The Tonight Show) $25 million
Conan O'Brien (The Conan O'Brien Show) $10 million

Reality:
Ryan Seacrest (American Idol) $15 million
Joel McHale (The Soup) $2 million
Piers Morgan (America's Got Talent) $2 million
Kate Gosselin (Kate Plus Eight) $250,000 per episode
Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi (Jersey Shore) $30,000 per episode

Comedy actors:
Charlie Sheen (Two and a Half Men) $1.25 million
Jon Cryer (Two and a Half Men) $550,000
Dan Castellaneta and Julie Kavner (The Simpsons) $400,000
Tina Fey (30 Rock) $350,000
Jeremy Piven (Entourage) $350,000
Steve Carell (The Office) $297,000
Ed O'Neill (Modern Family) $100,000
Betty White (Hot in Cleveland) $75,000

News:
Matt Lauer (Today) $16 million +
Katie Couric (CBS) $15 million
Bill O'Reilly (Fox News) $10 million
Keith Olbermann (MSNBC) $7 million
Wolf Blitzer (CNN) $3 million

"Covert Affiars" is network ready summer fun

"Covert Affairs" is USA's new summer series to join the likes of "Burn Notice," "Royal Pains," "White Collar," Phych," "In Plain Sight," and "White Collar," and it is one of the most enjoyable shows the network has put on the air. USA first got the comedy/drama/action series right with "Monk," putting itself on the map as a network that does more than just reruns of "Law & Order" and "NCIS."

"Covert Affairs" is a fun diversion from the summer, but doesn't seem as formulaic as "Burn Notice" and "Royal Pains." Instead, it dives into the spy genre, and adds a strong female lead in Piper Perabo (of "Coyote Ugly" fame), instead of the customary male lead that we see in most of USA's other shows. But Perabo's character, Annie Walker, is young, reckless, confident, and deeply complex. She's enjoyable to watch, and in one scene during the pilot, where she tries to recover data left behind during an opp turned bad, the clever scriptwriting and her strong acting make the scene laughable and meaningful. We see that she has talent as a CIA operative, and we hope to see her grow and learn as the show continues.

Perabo's biggest help in the show is the blind "Q"-like character, Auggie Anderson, played by Christopher Gorham. Gorham makes Auggie a lovable mentor who seems like the perfect best friend to have. He's one of those character's who may just be along for the ride, but at the same time, after watching the pilot, I have confidence in the writers to make him more complex and important than just a blind assistant.

Speaking of the writers, the show is produced by Doug Liman, who brought Robert Ludlum's Jason Bourne to the silver screen. Liman uses his spy-genre experience to make "Covert Affairs" seem more complex in one episode then you'd expect, making me hope and pray that the next episodes will be just as compelling as the pilot.

The Hills Has Ended...It Was Fake Life All Along

While Mike jumps up and down in joy, I mourn the loss of one of the funniest shows in the history of television. Last night MTV aired the finale of the show about snooty L.A. area 20 somethings that everybody loved to hate...and love.

The lingering question with The Hills was always...is this real or fake? The acting is so unbelievably bad that it's good, so could this possibly be real life? Well, the final 10 seconds of last night's finale revealed to us that the whole thing was fake. Phony. Sham. Scripted. No more blind accusations: the lives of everybody on the MTV show were already written down (at least, what you saw on TV). As Brody Jenner waved goodbye to Kristin, the camera crew pulled down a fake backdrop of the Hollywood Hills and panned to a production studio lot somewhere in La La Land. Brilliant!

What a way to go out for The Hills! The joke really is on us now. Here's an excerpt from an NY Daily News piece:

Fans immediately took to Twitter to express their shock, outrage and awe. "The Hills finale made me feel like what it was like when I found out Santa Clause was not real," wrote SillySarahHilly.

"'The Hills' series finale finally revealed what we've known all along: ITS FAKE. Kudos producers for finally owning up to it," wrote Ericksonvision.

I interpreted that finale scene as a tip of the hat - or a slap to the face - from producers finally confirming to fans what we've suspected all along. That yes, "The Hills" had become much more fiction than fact. More Hollywood than Laguna. On the "After Show," Brody even said it was up to the fans to decide what had been real and what hadn't.

Larry King's Hangin' It Up!

Say it ain't so, old man?!

Here's what the legendary talk show host said on his twitter today:
"I’m ending my nightly show this fall but continuing at CNN."  Larry will be doing specials and would like to focus on sports stories.

He wrote in another message, "It's time to hang up my nightly suspenders."

CNN sources tell TMZ they're in talks "with a number of people" and they expect to make a decision on Larry's replacement in 2 to 4 weeks.
A sad day in television history. here's my favorite Larry moment in recent memory: